Before I do anything else, let me quote Gordon Brown on the state of Britain's economy today. You'll need to concentrate though as he is using a somewhat 'clever' metaphor.
"Let me explain it a bit like this; I know Wayne Rooney's just had an injury to his foot and I know everyone will be hoping he's fit for the World Cup but after an injury you need support to recover, you need support to get back to match fitness, you need support to get back your full strength and then go on to lift the World Cup".
Cringe. Any occasion in which football mixes with politics is usually a bad enough day for both, but is there anything worse than a Scottish Prime Minister trying win over English votes by kissing the arse of their national football team?
Is there any Scotsman who didn't read those words and immediately think 'you tosser', or any Englishman who didn't immediately think 'you lying tosser'? If you didn't, you're a far less cynical character than me.
Somewhere along the line our simpleton Prime Minster has got it into his head that his birthplace is a real vote loser South of the border, so he goes to great lengths to smother his heritage beneath a St. George's Cross at every opportunity. It leaves you with that slightly disgusted feeling you get when you realise you've walked into a giant, steaming pile of crap but only after you've got home and trailed it through your new house carpet.
I tend to think that people on both sides of the border might take to Gordon slightly more fondly if he wasn't such an Uncle Tom Scotsman, pretending to be something he's not, or rather pretending not to be something he is.
It's too late now though as the rumour is that the carpet cleaning of a general election is about to wash through this country in just one month's time and with it we can only hope we will wash away the stench of Gordon Brown's bullshit for good.
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